I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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