Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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