Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize