I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
