watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
