I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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