Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
