She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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