My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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