Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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