And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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