i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize