He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
