well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize