SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
