Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
