he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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