I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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