he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
