He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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