I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
