I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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