I seem to have left my pride at pride
I could make wine with my vomit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
