the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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