apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize