just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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