Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
