So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
