She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize