She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
