My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
