Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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