We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
