as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
