Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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