Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
