He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I smell like Dick and happiness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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