is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
