there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
