you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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