my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
