I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
