if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
