Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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