thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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