speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
