I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
