Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize