While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
