hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
