seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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