my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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