She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
