Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think i have two assholes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
