When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
