doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
