just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
