he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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