ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
