Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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