Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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