my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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