Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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