I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
