I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
