happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
