Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
