i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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