You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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