She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
