Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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