Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
