just come out here and I will go home with you...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
