Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
