life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
