I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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