I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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