So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
