You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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