sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
