I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
