Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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