he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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