Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
