She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
