if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
