Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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