Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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