We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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