i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
