the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
