if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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