I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
