He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize