How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
