I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
