I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
