Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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