Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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