I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
