I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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