I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
PANTIES FOUND
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
