Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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