Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
