Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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