Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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