I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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