so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
