I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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