Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
