I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
