I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
