Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
