I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
