tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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