I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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