You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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